My name is Patti Smith from DeFuniak Springs, Florida.

Back in the mid-’70s and early 80’s I allowed two precious children to be ripped from my body.  Why?  Because the first time I feared for my reputation and the second time, although I wanted to keep the baby, my parents thought it was best I didn’t, and I feared the loss of their love.  Plus, both times the doctors assured me it was a simple procedure and a quick fix.  And let’s not forget women are fed the lie that abortion is the fundamental exercise in women’s empowerment.  

Was it a simple procedure?  No.  It was painful and humiliating.  Was it a quick fix?  No, I struggled emotionally and spiritually for decades.  Was my reputation saved?  No.  My life spiraled downward into one of alcohol abuse and promiscuity and two failed marriages. Did I maintain a good relationship with my parents?  No.  Because of my drinking and promiscuity, we were estranged for many, many years.  Was I empowered?  No. To be empowered a woman needs to be comfortable in her own skin, confident and at peace.  After my abortions, empowerment slipped away, leaving nothing but a gaping wound in my soul, back-filled with pain, self-hatred, guilt, shame, and remorse, so much so that at the age of thirty I convinced a doctor to give me a tubal ligation because I didn’t deserve to be a mother.  The suffering didn’t end there.  I hit my alcoholic bottom in 1997 by becoming suicidal and ended up being committed to a psychiatric hospital.  While being admitted, the psychiatrist asked me why I wanted to die, and I told him, I was already dead inside, I just wanted to finish the job.

Through treatment, I was able to get sober and get the depression under control, but there was a dark cloud still hovering.  That cloud only lifted after I found out about and attended a healing program specifically designed for those victimized by abortion.

Through healing, I was able to come to terms with what I had done and understand the psychological and spiritual consequences of abortion.  I was able to grieve the loss of my precious babies, Matthew and Sarah, accept the love and forgiveness of God and given the ability to love and forgive myself.

Abortion is not a quick fix.  It does not save reputations or relationships, in fact it does the opposite.  Abortion being empowering?  Think again.  

Originally posted on Silent No More Awareness