I am the oldest of 8 children, consisting of 3 full brothers, 2 step siblings, a half sister and a half brother who passed away when he was 3.
My parents were married. Our childhood was fairly run of the Mill, we grew up in the Burbs and lived in a time where you played outdoors until dark and then came home in time for dinner. It was completely carefree and fun. We flourished in every area, all of us doing well in School, doing well in Sports, no issues, no concept of any anxiety, no worries whatsoever. We had our Mum and Dad, we had our home life and it was stable. My Dad was generous and compassionate to a fault, one of his many absolute strengths and gifts. It was not unusual for any number of street kids to be living with us, or kids that had come from broken homes, we had an open door policy, and any and all were welcome at any time. So it makes sense that our house became the neighbourhood hangout for kids who lived in our proximity. He also liked to rescue stray dogs and bring them home also, though this didn’t wash well with our Mum, at all. She did not share his love and passion of animals, particularly dogs.
When I was 12, our mother had an extra marital affair with a member of the Same Sex, effectively dissolving our family unit. My parents agreed that the best place for my siblings and I to be was with our Father, he was better able to provide a stable environment for us to be raised in. So overnight my Dad became a single father of 4, and our Mum left to pursue a Same Sex lifestyle, leaving our father heartbroken and my siblings and I devastated. But gosh, I have the utmost respect and gratitude for my father, he remained incredibly gracious throughout it all, never once spoke ill of our Mum, never once put her down, only spoke highly of her and consistently tried to reaffirm that she loved us and we were not in any way shape or form at fault for what had occurred. Our Dad drew Deep from his faith in God, and spared us from his own heartache. It wasn’t easy for him. He had to learn how to do everything. Cook, clean, school runs, parent without the support of a partner, in general the things our mother did because our Dad worked. She volunteered in our School, she was at all our sporting events and athletic carnivals, she came as a parent helper on School Camp, she was the quintessential stay at home Mum after having our youngest sibling. So this was a massive and fundamental shift in roles for my dad.
The affair for our mum initially didn’t last. She ended up in a relationship with an Intellectual, scholarly feminist. This would not have been an issue, if that person didn’t have an extreme dislike of my brothers on account of their sex. That relationship clearly was not destined to last. The person she originally had the affair with came back onto the scene, and they for all intense purposes enjoyed a very loving relationship throughout its duration. The partner was good for my mum, and my mum was good for her also. They were very happy together. So we started spending weekends with my Mum and her partner while living with our Dad. Of course we saw first hand the differences in the relationship dynamics. Our Mum taking on the more masculine role, and her partner the feminine aspect. It was strange to me that a relationship of the Same Sex would seek to be comparable to an Opposite sex relationship but for them this worked.
For myself, I was an extremely angry teen, that my Mum had left at a crucial stage of my life when I really needed that female input and voice, that nurture that only a mum can give, when my father was very much a Man and had no idea of how to help a pubescent daughter navigate the journey of becoming a woman, it created a perfect environment for rebellion and chaos. My grades dropped, my attitude changed, my carefree existence gave way to a careless, reckless one. I went to live with my Mum and her partner when I was 15. Where I had boundaries and a safety net with my Dad, with my mum that was largely non-existent. I suddenly had access to freedom on a scale I was not remotely ready for. Sexually active way before time, left school at 16, drinking to excess and getting into fights with men, pregnant by 17 with my first child…… the rest reads as a book for teenage rebellion and deep seated inner angst.
I am absolutely for children’s rights. 100%
Children’s rights should take precedence over the desires of adults.
Having been raised with my nuclear family, to a single parent household and then living with my Mum and her partner in a Same sex household, the differences are very clear and apparent to me. There is a nurture that both parents specifically bring to the table. A Father’s role is different and a Mother’s role is different, but both roles are necessary to provide the ideal and optimal environment in which children do best. Wherever possible this should be a foundation on which Children’s lives are founded. My parents absolutely did their best under the circumstances, I love them with a passion, but make no mistake, a mother cannot be a father, and a father cannot be a mother. Both roles are specific to their biological make up and design. Men and Women think differently, they act differently, they function differently.
Kids need more than love, you need boundaries, you need Safety, you need stability, you need security, you need your Mother and you need your Father.
For the record. Our Mother agrees. She is vehemently opposed to Same Sex Marriage, a seemingly stark admission given her life story, but she believes that Marriage is for a Man and a Woman, that this provides the optimal foundational basis to create and nurture a family.
Originally posted on Them Before Us